I hope all of the parents and school teachers out there are adjusting well to “Back to School”. We are all gearing up for the shift in seasons (from summer to autumn). The one thing constant in life is certainly change!
Today I want to talk about boundaries, because it’s been coming up a lot lately, both personally and professionally. Recently, I encountered someone who was in essence bullying through body shaming, which is simply one example of the way the theme is showing up in my life.
It takes a lot to rile me up and even body shaming in itself isn’t enough to derail me (because I really like my body and I take good care of it. I know that it’s merely a vessel which houses my spirit in this experience. It may not be perfect, but it’s the one I have and it’s perfectly suitable for the work I came here to do). So when I experienced it, it wasn’t the words or the attempt to shame that had me over-thinking. It was the why is this happening to me? I knew energetically, something was off, making me a target for this type of abuse.
I worked with my acupuncturist and discovered a pattern emerging. I realized this person was “in my space” (energetically speaking). I examined how this was happening and what my role or part had been. This person tends to be dominant and I was taking on a submissive role. I realized I grew up in a religion which programs individuals to believe being “nice is the ultimate” even when saying yes to someone else means saying no to the self (that’s considered “selfish”). I was taught to martyr the self is good and holy and what humans ought to strive for. But, it was literally killing me. I gave and gave and gave away so much energetically, that I was leaving nothing by a shell of myself for me. I consistently felt depleted, neglected, drained, and exhausted.
Then something synchronous happened. A client came in with a similar issue and mentioned a friend told her recently that when someone makes an unsolicited comment, he/she simply says, “I didn’t ask,” using a friendly and neutral tone and expression. This has been a game changer for me. The more we practice, the easier it becomes. There is a certain force (field) created through the art of having good boundaries which repels people who would serve to take advantage. A strong spiritual practice and dedication to controlling and unruly mind/thought is paramount.
Here are some signs your boundaries need work-
-You’re getting sick or experiencing general malaise with no root cause
-You feel a knot in your stomach around a specific person
-You feel drained after listening to someone complain
-You find yourself saying yes to people when you really want to say no
-You don’t have a keen sense of intuition or inner knowingness
Here are some things we can do to strengthen our boundaries-
-Do energy work around the leaks (if you do Reiki, practice cord cutting regularly and build an energetic resiliency towards people who suck energy)
-Meditate to understand why it’s happen then follow the inner guidance which presents
-Use tools like stating, “I didn’t ask” when someone is being intrusive
-Learn to say no
-If you feel or sense someone IN your body (i.e. you experience a body sensation while being in the presence of someone), develop a tool to protect your energy space (I teach this through one on one therapy/reiki sessions)
Here are some things we can be mindful of in our own development of boundaries-
-Don’t give unsolicited advice or information (resist the urge to share everything you know); if a person wants advice, they will ask
-Work towards having power FOR people as opposed to power OVER people
-If someone says no, they don’t owe you (or anyone else an excuse as to “why”). No means no, move on.
-It’s not okay to “read” someone in the room if they haven’t given permission for a reading to occur (even when your intuition is spot on or your reiki actually activates). If you know something and feel compelled to say something, it’s most ethical to ask the person if you may offer some feedback. Then respect their answer.
-Do not drone on and on about complaints to another person without their consent. If you ask if you can complain and they say sure, then go on. If they aren’t in a place to hold space for you and the complaints in the moment, respect. There are countless people willing to listen at any given moment.
-When someone sets a boundary and you don’t like it, work through your feelings. There is a reason this is coming up (for both the setter and the receiver).
-Questioning or interrogating someone can impose on their boundaries. We each have a right to privacy.
Have a wonder-filled Thursday!
Lori
Photo Credit- Noah Buscher, Unsplash
