Fear as a concept has been coming up for me (and my clients) lately. During the Cacao Ceremony over the weekend, I prepared by drawing a card to add to the display. The card coming up was Waterfall (Effortless). (This is the second week straight this card has come up for me in Cacao!) We did some breathwork and the breathwork (for me) was bringing up reflections on fear. Prior to the ceremony, I’d volunteered with my family, for a local Halloween event. We were “working” a Haunted Trail (a 1/4 mil loop through a densely wooded forest), where kids from the school had set up spooky scenes. Many of the kids delighted in “jump scares”.
In my reflection, I thought about my job which involved guiding people through the Trail. I’d talk and tell stories, and based on my intuitive feelings about the group, would innately know how far to go. In two different groups, I had children who got really freaked out and scared. Both times, I’d notify students to run ahead and tell everyone to “go easy” on the group, because what they needed was more fun and whimsical.
One of the observations I made, was how quickly the fear could spread from one person (in the group) to another, not unlike a virus. I had one group of kids with one adult. When the toddler got dysregulated, the parent asked if the rest of the kids could continue on (with me), while she took the child out. I said sure. It only took one trigger for another one of the kids to get dysregulated and with that one in fear, some of the other kids quickly “caught” it as well. I had to fight the inner urge to tap on the kids and realized I am a supporting role and not the person responsible for their emotional regulation (which is hard for me as an empath). I did what I could to talk to this sweet little person and I encouraged her older siblings to pick her up and carry her so she should shield her eyes and cover her ears. All in all, it was a really fun night.
Fast forward to the next day, my husband was preparing for a trip and I was preparing (mentally) to be home (and working) solo. I could feel ebbs and flows of energy (anxiety) building and dissipating. I’d done everything I could to prepare the kids (they would be responsible for getting themselves up and ready for school because I had to be at work at 7am) and for some reason I was fretting about that. That morning, getting into my car to head to work, I could feel the emotion building again, so I stopped and asked myself, “Whose business are you in?” I noticed I was in my kids’ business. I’d had several discussions with them about what to expect for this week. I’d helped them prepare as best I could. Now, I was being called to take a step back and trust them to know and do what was needed! What a novel idea! Once I realized what I was doing, my thoughts changed to, “Yes, I trust my children. I trust myself, that I’ve prepared them this. We can do this!”
Katie Byron, author of “The Work”, describes this mindfulness tool as a way to discern whether we are over-reaching in our boundaries. She suggests we stop, take a breath, and ask ourselves, “Whose business am I in?” (There are three types of business: Mine, Yours, and God’s). If I realize I am in anyone’s business but my own, I can consciously shift or pivot, which changes my perceptions. Practice asking yourself and seeing where you are (in consciousness). Share your experiences with me, if you’d like!
