Integration is an important aspect of anything we venture into in this life. For example, reading books, studying and learning new things can be interesting, exciting, and fun, however when we don’t allow ourselves the space and time to really integrate the knowledge, it never transforms to wisdom.
Same thing with therapy. If we make leaps and bounds of progress, yet we don’t learn how to integrate or weave what we’ve learned or the skills we’ve developed into the tapestry of our lives, it’s simply information and not actually usable in any tangible way.
Working with people in the psychedelic realm and even with A.R.T., I’ve been noticing the importance of allowing a session in between for integration. Integration simply means understanding what’s coming up and applying it in a usable and functional way into the structure of life.
Recently, I travelled to Houston to do a medicine ceremony. A lot of prep work was involved and it felt “right” the entire time. The morning I was leaving, my Dead Man Stone dropped on the floor and broke into three pieces. (Trained in the tradition of the Munay Ki, I know that when working with a stone and it breaks, it’s affirmation that the “medicine” or lesson is fully integrated and the work is considered “done”. While I felt sad that I would no longer be working with this stone, because I really enjoyed it, I recognized that it represented the fear I was shedding and I was happy I’d reached a point where that wasn’t an issue anymore and the stone wasn’t needed for meditation. It was yet another lesson in non-attachment).
When I got to Houston, I fully expected to participate in ceremony, therefore, I was quite surprised that my feelings didn’t align with my thinking. Meaning, I thought (for months) this was the correct path for me, but my feelings and sensations were speaking otherwise. Something felt “off” and like I didn’t want to be there.
I did the prep session that night and it was clear there were two distinct parts that weren’t 100% on board. I took some time to meditate late in the evening and used BLS (bilateral stimulation) to try and root out the original issue. While I didn’t come up with a root cause, I awoke the following morning, knowing it wasn’t for me, and that I wouldn’t be participating in the ceremony. I then muscle tested to be sure I wasn’t dealing with resistance or some part of self that was keeping me from something really important or powerful. When the muscle testing affirmed, I knew I needed to leave.
What would have been a difficult decision in the past (as a people pleaser), I noticed was a lot easier this time. I felt out of alignment and that’s what mattered most. The woman I was working with handled it really well and I felt completely supported by her and not any pressure to do something I didn’t feel compelled to do.
I started to recall that I’d actually received this message while on the Walkabout with the Nature Therapist. Remember, I followed what I thought was the “correct path” and wound up at a “Dead End”! The universe had already told me the medicine session would be a dead end, but I didn’t realize it until I went through my process.
Leaving the ceremony that never happened, I felt compelled to call my childhood friend and spend some time with her. I’ll write more about that experience and what I learned (which was exactly what I had intended to get from ceremony but came though my visit and processing with her) next week.
