Eeeek! I have SO much to say about the inaugural Back to Nature (one day intensive) this week! I know time is precious, so I’ll (try to) keep it concise!
I am super grateful to Elyssa for the idea and inviting me to collaborate with her. I am also deeply grateful for all of the precious and powerful women who chose to spend an entire Sunday away from daily life and suspend the ordinary, to step into the extra-ordinary with us for the day!
The night before the retreat, I dreamed I was being tested, psychically. I was with a woman, who was asking me to show or prove my visual perception abilities. She blind-folded me, and turned me around. I knew there was a large screen behind me (I’d seen it before I was blind-folded). I began to get a shadowy image materializing in my mind’s eye. I narrated aloud what I was seeing to the woman. The male figure appeared as a shadow. Then, I could see a landscape emerge that was fully in color and clear. I described the mountains I saw in the landscape. I noticed one of the mountains was actually a volcano and it was exploding. I saw smoke coming out of the top and the red lava emerging and running down the side. At this point, I experienced the imagery as though I was watching a cartoon on a screen. As I relayed what I was observing, the woman took off the blindfold, and said, “You’re ready to teach,” while she pointed to a girl in the room. The impression I had at the time was that she would become my student. At that moment, I woke up. It was 4:44am. I saw a light coming in through the window and I heard sound coming from the barn. It was rhythmic, like drumming or humming. I presumed Elyssa was out in the barn making preparations for the retreat (I later asked her and it turns out, there was no one out there; she didn’t get up until 6:30am).
Prior to the women’s arrival, I pulled a card for myself from the Alchemy deck. The card that popped out was “III- The Starborn”. It’s message is as follows, “An elusive yet radiant aspect of self; the cosmic spark of Light that arrives with each being at birth. The Starborn naturally feels a sense of destination and purpose, aiming itself towards a future that is beyond mundane…[I’m encouraged to] travel back in time and notice what I desired as a child. [I’m directed to] read the story of The Three Fates, and envision [myself] born under the stars with a unique destiny. This card harkens a surge of desire for a long-lost dream. Let this desire shake you up. [Notice] what would happen if [I[ saw the galaxy as my ally.” [In reading The Three Fates, I see that they rule over destiny. I’ve been working in the Sophia Code the last four weeks or so with the energies of embracing destiny. That led me to doing a series in Human Design revolving around the Gene Keys. The Three Fates represent past, present, and future; the maiden, mother, and crone, and other trilogy archetypes. The number has been coming up a lot for me in dreams and visions]
Together as a group, we created a mandala using objects we found in Nature which represent our intentions or reason for being there. I brought a tiny pinecone, which for me, represents the sacred spiral, which I’ve been working with all year. (It occurred to me while at the retreat, that I had TWO images of spirals on my vision board for this year, which I’d forgotten about until a dialogue about vision boards came up over lunch). I added a wish for everyone there, as pinecones also hold seeds; symbolic of the potential that everyone would take away with them, back to the ordinary, and love, nourish, nurture, and grow for themselves and their communities.
The first treatment planned for the retreat was a holographic sound bath. I’d had a vision about Tressa prior to her agreeing to participate in the event. In the vision, she was in Egypt undergoing a series of rites of passage. I was shown that she would come to the event and through the sound, emit a transmission for those present. When she initially started playing, I honestly felt a bit chaotic. The sounds and words felt like I was being taken through a quick series of places with a variety of entities and I didn’t know what was happening. I also felt weird or different in my physical body. At one point she started drumming, hard, deep and the vocals felt so familiar I instantly went into a deeply relaxed state of be-ing. In that state, I had a vision of why I was experiencing the chaos. The vision had to do with me projecting. Once I understood the message, my body completely calmed down. Tressa starting singing a melody of love and that’s when I could feel the activation happening in my body. I felt tingles going up and down my spine and my crown opened up. I recognized the sensation as a kundalini activation..
We did a fire ceremony and I released a fear of my own projections as well as my ignorance to them. I wished to invite the medicine of the dream into wake state and allow myself to see my own projections as well as I see others’ clearly. (I recently watched a really great YT video which explains projections if anyone is interested in doing a deeper dive on the subject- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YW11HaaAb-8&t=1183s )
We were invited to do a walkabout on the land, solo, to observe, contemplate, or whatever we felt compelled to do/see/feel. I went back to Wolf Ridge Trail which is super mystical, magical, and shaded by really large cedar trees. I noticed little things everywhere, like tiny flowers, miniature butterflies, and mushrooms. I started to realize there is an entire microcosm of life teeming all over the forest and this sacred land.
After the ceremony and walkabout, a series of events occurred and I was able to immediately see the projections, both of myself and others. I am very aware (thanks to my work with Human Design) of my deep need to remain a buffer and not get pulled into the energy of other people. I noticed it was a lot easier for me to remain the buffer following the fire ceremony/walkabout.
We had a lovely integration circle with reflection, followed by a delicious nutritious lunch. After lunch we had some free time and it was so great to hear people’s stories, listen to singing, and get to know some attendees a little more intimately.
We then went into Cacao Ceremony. The vibe of the group as a whole was super high, which was such a lovely experience. What I heard from the group is that every single person experienced a heart opening and received exactly what they needed (consciously or unconsciously). In the meditation portion, I found myself in a field of peonies and knew I needed to work with the flower essence. (I later looked up what the peony flower essence is for and it’s all about magnetism and generating abundance, which is something I’ve been working on. It helps the experiencer release fears of lack, not having enough, and not be-ing enough). I had a vision that the two main parts I have yet to reintegrate will integrate through the use of the peony flower essence. I had a vision of those two parts of self and asked to see memories of what they enjoyed doing (looping the message of the archetype card in). I saw myself creating tiny things. When I was younger, I used to make tiny snowflakes with paper. I was attracted to little things I could fill my pockets with. As a young adult, with my kids; I created a fairy village in our backyard, and I haven’t tended to it in forever. I used to pick berries from a tree and leave them on a leaf platter). Things like that, the microcosm, little details made my heart sing. I recall writing poetry and aligning with words and things, small but mighty.
The night I returned home, I felt completely full and tired, ready to enter the dream realm. I dreamed of being on a mountain top, so high it was in the sky. It was completely detached and tipsy. I thought about how easy it would be to fling myself off and how the thought no longer feels scary; I know I can never truly die or be destroyed. The top of the mountain was shaped like a crown. (Interestingly, I’d done a solo Cacao Ceremony before attending the retreat and I’d seen a vision of a mountain and heard I needed to go to a mountain top and give a blessing). It seems the blessing was both psychic vision and fearlessness.
All in all, I am still integrating and know I will be in the magic and medicine of this retreat for the next two weeks or so. It’s been amazing to meet, befriend, nurture, and witness a group of women, some I’ve worked with before, and others I am knowing for the first time. It’s been a blessing recognizing my own growth through the mirror they reflect. The synchronicities are abundant. My visions and dreams are aligning and I feel more confident now in my own unique process than I ever have before.
Tips for integration:
-Write about your experience. If you don’t like narrative, try bullet points
-Draw about your experience or create a picture, painting, collage, or other work of art
-Try a Jungian approach and reflect on the other “characters” in the “dream”: what parts of you are they expressing, reflecting, or repressing?
-If you’re an initiate of the Munay Ki, think about the Daykeeper Rite and the questions you can ask of the four directions.
-If you’re attuned to Reiki, give yourself a treatment, meditate on what you’ve shed or let go of.
-If you’re into IFS, contemplate which parts of you were comfortable? Which parts were uncomfortable? If you felt triggered, which part was activated? What does each part need and how can you meet that need from your adult Self?
-Notice your dreams and reflect on them in the mornings
